Deadly Renovations (2010)
Studio: Brain Damage Films
Theatrical Release: June 10th, 2012
DVD Release: August 21st, 2012
Rating: UnRated
Directed by Robert Gwinn
Review by Craig Sorensen
If I had seen this thing a few days earlier it would be the number one contender for the worst film I’d seen in 2012. As it stands now, it’s going to be hard to find something worse for 2013. The film looks like ass, the sound is awful, the cast is unappealing and the story is dumb. Really, just read the film’s title again. Deadly Renovations. Does that sound like something you would like to see? If so then go ahead. You might as well stop reading right now though because this review is probably going to get ugly.
So a group of guys and their girlfriends own a house ‘flipping’ company. Flipping was a get rich scheme/fad from the early 2000 where you buy a house, remodel it and then sell it for profit. This was back when people could afford houses. Anyway, they are supposedly successful enough at this that they are able to buy an abandoned hotel to fix up. Now, back in the late ‘80s some cool bank robber guys (or something) hide some money in the place. Also someone dies there I guess. So most of the movie is the people from the renovation company wandering around this stupid hotel eating and playing cards. There’s some plot points about a guy dating the ex-girlfriend of another friend and that creates some friction in the group. You won’t care though. Finally the group runs into the surviving bank robber and then a killer shows up to kill people. Also Lana Wood (The Fool Killer) is in there as the sister of one of the bank robbers? It’s hard to tell because the dialog was so soft.
OK, so maybe if this film wasn’t so incompetently shot and written it could be entertaining. That’s a big maybe though. Even the best filmmakers would have their work cut out for them. Really, was there anyone asking for a slasher film about home renovations? It’s just hard for me to believe that someone would invest as much time and effort as it takes to create a feature film into this idea. So that’s strike number one. Strike number two, and this one seems to be standard for these type of low budget films these days, LIGHT YOUR GODDAMN MOVIES KIDS! You can not just use flashlights. You can’t. I know that it sounds easy to do but it’s going to look like shit. Even if you just went to the hardware store and bought some work lights it’ll look better. Strike Three: learn how to record and mix sound. Sound might seem like an afterthought to most people (I’ve worked on enough student films to know that first hand) but if it’s bad it’ll tank your entire film. There’s no excuse for crickets being able to drown out the dialog in this film. Was there a cricket hiding in the camera? I’m not making this up by the way, there really is a scene where the sound of crickets drowns out the dialog. And it’s kind of important expository dialog too. Most sound effects probably shouldn’t overpower the dialog. Strike four (how many strikes before a touchdown in baseball?): Get a decent camera: this is going to seem like the most expensive part of making the film but it makes a huge difference in how professional your film looks. Some of this stuff is so screwed up I thought I was watching a 3-D film without the polarized glasses. Seriously, I don’t know what was going on but somethings not right with your camera. Have someone look at it. Strike five: Color timing. After you’ve imported all your footage into the computer please take the time to try to match the color of your shots from scene to scene or even cut to cut. If you’re putting two shots together then you want them to look like they happen at the same time, not hours or days apart. To do that you should try to match the color timing for each shot. I realize that on an ultra low budget film you are sometimes not shooting in optimum circumstances but you really need to work on trying to get shots to seamlessly flow together.
Also, one more thing. That nail gun isn't powerful enough to kill someone. I've been shot with a nailgun like that and it hurts but I didn't die. Do more research next time.
[Rating: 0]
Theatrical Release: June 10th, 2012
DVD Release: August 21st, 2012
Rating: UnRated
Directed by Robert Gwinn
Review by Craig Sorensen
If I had seen this thing a few days earlier it would be the number one contender for the worst film I’d seen in 2012. As it stands now, it’s going to be hard to find something worse for 2013. The film looks like ass, the sound is awful, the cast is unappealing and the story is dumb. Really, just read the film’s title again. Deadly Renovations. Does that sound like something you would like to see? If so then go ahead. You might as well stop reading right now though because this review is probably going to get ugly.
So a group of guys and their girlfriends own a house ‘flipping’ company. Flipping was a get rich scheme/fad from the early 2000 where you buy a house, remodel it and then sell it for profit. This was back when people could afford houses. Anyway, they are supposedly successful enough at this that they are able to buy an abandoned hotel to fix up. Now, back in the late ‘80s some cool bank robber guys (or something) hide some money in the place. Also someone dies there I guess. So most of the movie is the people from the renovation company wandering around this stupid hotel eating and playing cards. There’s some plot points about a guy dating the ex-girlfriend of another friend and that creates some friction in the group. You won’t care though. Finally the group runs into the surviving bank robber and then a killer shows up to kill people. Also Lana Wood (The Fool Killer) is in there as the sister of one of the bank robbers? It’s hard to tell because the dialog was so soft.
OK, so maybe if this film wasn’t so incompetently shot and written it could be entertaining. That’s a big maybe though. Even the best filmmakers would have their work cut out for them. Really, was there anyone asking for a slasher film about home renovations? It’s just hard for me to believe that someone would invest as much time and effort as it takes to create a feature film into this idea. So that’s strike number one. Strike number two, and this one seems to be standard for these type of low budget films these days, LIGHT YOUR GODDAMN MOVIES KIDS! You can not just use flashlights. You can’t. I know that it sounds easy to do but it’s going to look like shit. Even if you just went to the hardware store and bought some work lights it’ll look better. Strike Three: learn how to record and mix sound. Sound might seem like an afterthought to most people (I’ve worked on enough student films to know that first hand) but if it’s bad it’ll tank your entire film. There’s no excuse for crickets being able to drown out the dialog in this film. Was there a cricket hiding in the camera? I’m not making this up by the way, there really is a scene where the sound of crickets drowns out the dialog. And it’s kind of important expository dialog too. Most sound effects probably shouldn’t overpower the dialog. Strike four (how many strikes before a touchdown in baseball?): Get a decent camera: this is going to seem like the most expensive part of making the film but it makes a huge difference in how professional your film looks. Some of this stuff is so screwed up I thought I was watching a 3-D film without the polarized glasses. Seriously, I don’t know what was going on but somethings not right with your camera. Have someone look at it. Strike five: Color timing. After you’ve imported all your footage into the computer please take the time to try to match the color of your shots from scene to scene or even cut to cut. If you’re putting two shots together then you want them to look like they happen at the same time, not hours or days apart. To do that you should try to match the color timing for each shot. I realize that on an ultra low budget film you are sometimes not shooting in optimum circumstances but you really need to work on trying to get shots to seamlessly flow together.
Also, one more thing. That nail gun isn't powerful enough to kill someone. I've been shot with a nailgun like that and it hurts but I didn't die. Do more research next time.
[Rating: 0]
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