Frat House Massacre (2008)

Studio: Synapse Films
DVD Release: August 9, 2011
Not Rated

Review by James Klein

Cool Collge Idiot #1: Hey dude, let's make a movie!

Cool Collge Idiot #2: Cool man, whose gonna write it?

Cool Collge Idiot #1: I will bro, I got some crayons. Lets make a slasher film.

Cool Collge Idiot #2: Badass bro. Teens getting killed at say...a college campus! College kids, like us! No old people.

Cool Collge Idiot #1: Dog, you know it! Remember Sorority House Massacre?

Cool Collge Idiot #2: No.

Cool Collge Idiot #1: Oh...well fuck it, lets just make Frat House Massacre. We can get all our buddies and some gals and just come up with some sort of...of...of...

Cool Collge Idiot #2: Story?

Cool Collge Idiot #1: Yeah! Fuck it, I'll ask my rich Dad for money to get a camera. Maybe some lights. We gotta have fake blood.

Cool Collge Idiot #2: My little brother has some make up shit left over from halloween.

Cool Collge Idiot #1: Good enough. Gotta have lots of killing in this. And it's about two brothers and revenge. I'll come up with something on the day we shoot. No one cares about...about...

Cool Collge Idiot #2: Story?

Cool Collge Idiot #1: Yeah, story. Let's set it in the 1970's!

Cool Collge Idiot #2: Why 70's?

Cool Collge Idiot #1: It's retro, yo. Boogie Nights, Blow, 54.

Cool Collge Idiot #2: I don't get it.

Cool Collge Idiot #1: We can have a disco scene like in that movie Carrie. I also wanna have a Fight Club scene.. We can make sure all the guys have no shirts on. Let's shoot.

Cool Collge Idiot #2: Man, what's the story though?

Cool Collge Idiot #1: The what?

The 116 minute "film" Frat House Massacre is a huge achievement. It's amazing this was picked up and released on DVD for others to watch so they can contemplate suicide. There's some classic movies that are so bad it's good. This is so bad, it makes you want to never watch a movie again. Mean spirited, cheap, terrible acted, Frat House Massacre is about as much fun to sit through as sitting through two hours of root canal with zero novocain. Do yourself a favor, take a pair of scissors and shove them up your ass. It's less painful.