One Night With the King (2006)

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Theatrical Release: October 13, 2006

Blu Ray Release: March 5, 2013

Director: Michael O. Sajbel

PG

Review by James Klein

Been staring at the computer for about five minutes, trying to think of what to say. Screw it, I'm gonna be blunt. One Night With the King is terrible. I can't come up with anything witty or clever to say so I'll get right down to it. One Night With the King is a real chore to get through, especially when clocking in at 123 minutes. Try staying awake during this one. It makes Lincoln look like The Expendables.

This "epic" (tedious is a better word) is about the life of Hadassah (Tiffany Dupont), a Jewish orphan whose family was slaughtered and left for dead to someday grow up to be Esther, Queen of Persia. The film jumps focus constantly from Hadassah to King Xerxes (Luke Goss) who has his Queen banished from his kingdom because she doesn't agree with him politically (?). It was very unclear as to why he banished her other than his nobles mocking him at a dinner feast. So Xerxes and his eunuch Hegai (Tommy "Tiny" Lister) seek out various young women to be his Queen. Guess who gets picked? But when the state has decried that all Jews  are to be put to death, Hadassah's hidden secret is in jeopardy as well as her life.

Most of the actors are horribly miscast for this historical film. Many of them look like they walked out of GQ magazine, some with very little acting ability. Dupont, while beautiful, is just awful. Granted, her Shakesperian-like dialog is groan inducing and at times laughable, but she can't even try to make these shitty lines work. Goss also tries too hard to look "cool" and is just as bad. And what the hell is Tommy "Tiny" Lister doing in this? Watching him tear up while Hadassah reads a story is enough to make you wanna laugh or shut the film off right away. And don't let the blu ray cover fool you, Peter O'Toole is barely in this film and has two or three lines. He doesn't share the screen with his old co-star Omar Sharif from Lawrence of Arabia either much to my disappointment.

But don't let the acting ruin the entire film. Throw in some awful editing and camera tricks with over use of slow motion (fuck you 300) and some really bad green screen and CGI. How about some cliché chanting music too, like in Gladiator? Then there is the script...oh wow. Yeah its a mess. The dialog is bad, its boring, it doesn't make any sense because it jumps around so much...ugh.

What can I say that's nice? The costumes look lovely and the location and scenery are pretty. The blu ray by 20th Century Fox is very nice to look at as the picture and sound are top notch and very appeasing to the viewer. The blu ray even comes with an audio commentary by the screen writer and producers. No, they don't apologize for One Night With the King.

[Rating: 1.5]