Bait (2012)
Studio: Anchor Bay
Theatrical Release: September 9, 2012 (limited)
Blu Ray Release: September 18, 2012
Director: Kimble Rendall
R
Review by James Klein
Should I sugar coat this review? Should I be polite and try my best to find something good out of Bait? Or should I just go for broke and tell you how awful this movie is? Lets see, had to work for almost 12 hours today and then drive 2 hours back home in traffic...I'm not feeling too nice right now. Dear readers, I'll be blunt. Bait is a piece of shit.
This Australian made "horror" thriller (if you are even thrilled by this pile of seaweed then you are the world's biggest pussy) is one of those Syfy made for TV pieces of crap that somehow washed ashore and gained a small audience or distribution for some unknown reason. AnchorBay...what was it that you saw in this? How is it that Bait is on blu ray and films like Night of the Living Dead, Scanners, or Suspiria still have not seen an HD release in the States? Even better yet...we get Bait in 3-D! Now you can see awful film making IN YOUR FACE!
Bait begins with a un-intentionally hilarious prologue with your scrawny cool hero Josh (he's cool because he's hung-over, has messy hair and is skinny and tan) talking with his ultra-hot but refuses to show some real skin fiancé Tina on the beach. Josh is suppose to be out in the water as the life guard but has his soon to be brother-in-law taking his place for the moment. Out of nowhere Josh's brother-in-law is eaten by a giant computer generated shark that looks like something out of an Atari game. When Josh doesn't get there in time, he holds his head back and screams "No!" to the sky. Cut to 12 months later...(also cut to James Klein laughing his ass off but wishing he was watching the blu ray of Porky's that's been sitting on his coffee table for a week).
Taken right out of an Irwin Allen disaster film, the movie introduces the audience to various characters in our movie, most who are under the age of 30. At some supermarket, we are introduced to the tough cool girl shoplifting and her nerdy but sweet boyfriend, a surfer dude and his ditzy girlfriend, a mean Asian store manager, an under cover police officer and two criminals about to rob the store. This is where a semi-interesting subplot begins as the Australian shoreline is hit with a tsunami, giving the audience some pretty neat set pieces getting destroyed. Some of the victims that get knocked off cracked me up like one person running and falling down dead before the water even hits him! With plenty of shit flying at you to get the 3-D effect, I did enjoy the silliness of it all and hoped Bait could at least entertain and not annoy. I was wrong.
The surfer dude and his girlfriend are submerged in the car, unhurt with no water leaking in. They bicker about cell phones and expensive shoes. This is suppose to be funny. Everyone else that was prominently introduced is wet and bloody but alive. They climb on top of store shelves and babble about what has happened. Low and behold Josh is re-acquainted with his long lost fiancé Tina who now has a new lover, also alive. The two men robbing the store are also survivors. One is a kind robber (Julian McMahon from Nip/Tuck) and the other an out of his mind psycho path who tries so hard to chew the scenery but comes off as pathetic with a voice that is like nails to a chalkboard. As the survivors discuss what to do (I love the mean Asian store manager who grabs his wet cell phone and tries to use it and exclaims, "What the hell?" as if he's shocked that its not working) we find out the tsunami has brought with it two sharks who are hungry and ready to devour live...get ready...wait for it...bait! Get it?
Aside from the semi-interesting premise and the fact that a talented actor like Julian McMahon is in this, Bait is just god awful. Characters are all annoying and state the obvious or make a funny one-liner that are just terrible. The melodrama between lovers Josh and Tina seems as if a 13 year old girl wrote their scenes. The special effects are so computer looking and phony that even my own wife was calling out how bad the CGI was. The direction is bland with some of the 3-D sequences looking shaky or hard to see. There really isn't any decent gore (a character being bitten in half that looks like an icon from the Pitfall video game doesn't count) and no nudity to at least perk our interests. Even the blu ray doesn't have any special features aside from the storyboard gallery. Sure the picture looks good and the sound is fine but you are stuck watching Bait. Drowning is a better option.
[rating: 1]
Theatrical Release: September 9, 2012 (limited)
Blu Ray Release: September 18, 2012
Director: Kimble Rendall
R
Review by James Klein
Should I sugar coat this review? Should I be polite and try my best to find something good out of Bait? Or should I just go for broke and tell you how awful this movie is? Lets see, had to work for almost 12 hours today and then drive 2 hours back home in traffic...I'm not feeling too nice right now. Dear readers, I'll be blunt. Bait is a piece of shit.
This Australian made "horror" thriller (if you are even thrilled by this pile of seaweed then you are the world's biggest pussy) is one of those Syfy made for TV pieces of crap that somehow washed ashore and gained a small audience or distribution for some unknown reason. AnchorBay...what was it that you saw in this? How is it that Bait is on blu ray and films like Night of the Living Dead, Scanners, or Suspiria still have not seen an HD release in the States? Even better yet...we get Bait in 3-D! Now you can see awful film making IN YOUR FACE!
Bait begins with a un-intentionally hilarious prologue with your scrawny cool hero Josh (he's cool because he's hung-over, has messy hair and is skinny and tan) talking with his ultra-hot but refuses to show some real skin fiancé Tina on the beach. Josh is suppose to be out in the water as the life guard but has his soon to be brother-in-law taking his place for the moment. Out of nowhere Josh's brother-in-law is eaten by a giant computer generated shark that looks like something out of an Atari game. When Josh doesn't get there in time, he holds his head back and screams "No!" to the sky. Cut to 12 months later...(also cut to James Klein laughing his ass off but wishing he was watching the blu ray of Porky's that's been sitting on his coffee table for a week).
Taken right out of an Irwin Allen disaster film, the movie introduces the audience to various characters in our movie, most who are under the age of 30. At some supermarket, we are introduced to the tough cool girl shoplifting and her nerdy but sweet boyfriend, a surfer dude and his ditzy girlfriend, a mean Asian store manager, an under cover police officer and two criminals about to rob the store. This is where a semi-interesting subplot begins as the Australian shoreline is hit with a tsunami, giving the audience some pretty neat set pieces getting destroyed. Some of the victims that get knocked off cracked me up like one person running and falling down dead before the water even hits him! With plenty of shit flying at you to get the 3-D effect, I did enjoy the silliness of it all and hoped Bait could at least entertain and not annoy. I was wrong.
The surfer dude and his girlfriend are submerged in the car, unhurt with no water leaking in. They bicker about cell phones and expensive shoes. This is suppose to be funny. Everyone else that was prominently introduced is wet and bloody but alive. They climb on top of store shelves and babble about what has happened. Low and behold Josh is re-acquainted with his long lost fiancé Tina who now has a new lover, also alive. The two men robbing the store are also survivors. One is a kind robber (Julian McMahon from Nip/Tuck) and the other an out of his mind psycho path who tries so hard to chew the scenery but comes off as pathetic with a voice that is like nails to a chalkboard. As the survivors discuss what to do (I love the mean Asian store manager who grabs his wet cell phone and tries to use it and exclaims, "What the hell?" as if he's shocked that its not working) we find out the tsunami has brought with it two sharks who are hungry and ready to devour live...get ready...wait for it...bait! Get it?
Aside from the semi-interesting premise and the fact that a talented actor like Julian McMahon is in this, Bait is just god awful. Characters are all annoying and state the obvious or make a funny one-liner that are just terrible. The melodrama between lovers Josh and Tina seems as if a 13 year old girl wrote their scenes. The special effects are so computer looking and phony that even my own wife was calling out how bad the CGI was. The direction is bland with some of the 3-D sequences looking shaky or hard to see. There really isn't any decent gore (a character being bitten in half that looks like an icon from the Pitfall video game doesn't count) and no nudity to at least perk our interests. Even the blu ray doesn't have any special features aside from the storyboard gallery. Sure the picture looks good and the sound is fine but you are stuck watching Bait. Drowning is a better option.
[rating: 1]
Post a Comment