The Howling Reborn (2011)
Studio: Anchor Bay Films
Blu Ray Release: October 18, 2011
R
Review by James Klein
The 1981 The Howling is a classic horror film and considered one of the finest werewolf pictures ever made. I even enjoyed the batshit sequel Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf. But after that, the films got to be just awful. I admit not seeing all of them so maybe part V or VI could have been decent but The Howling series has never been known for being a great series of films. The Howling Reborn thinks it is a remake but is absolutely nothing like the original film at all. This is another in name only sequel just like the other entries only this time it borrows heavily from Twilight and even the awful Lost Boys sequels. It would be so nice to just write a review that says, "Don't see this movie. It sucks." But that really isn't fair. Not to just you loyal readers but also to the film makers. I think it is a critics job to help these film makers in knowing why their film "sucks" so they don't ever make this mistake.
1. The main character (who looks just like Robert Pattinson) does this annoying American Beauty-esque voice over narration that tries so hard to be insightful and hip. It isn't at all. It sucks.
2. The main heroine (who looks like Kristen Stewart) is this cool, stylish, tough girl who spouts off these meaningful lines of dialog that tries so hard to be consequential and significant. It's not. It just made me laugh. Her dialog sucks.
3. Everyone in the film seems to be angry with one another. We don't know why, they just are. Mother kills father. Bully at school goes after hero. Mother tries to kill son. New kids who once protected hero are now trying to kill him. None of this is logical and maybe it was the writers trying to create conflicts with the characters. Instead he created suckiness.
4. Characters perform certain actions that would never happen and provide no consequences. Bully chases our hero around school with a gun. When bully is killed and he loses the gun, the gun pops up later on to help the hero fight some werewolves. So no one saw this kid get killed? No one saw this gun laying on the floor of the school? How about our hero saving our heroine by jumping out the school's three story window? No one notices that? Does the viewer notice that when these situations happen, we automatically know that this movie sucks?
5. Everyone in the film seems to have great intelligence. I don't know any high school kid that can make a flame thrower out of some parts he can find at school. The movie nerd at school (who overacts really bad) knows how to shoot video off a tiny hand held camera and can get it downloaded and televised across the city. With all these smart people around, could they have prevented this movie from sucking?
6. The music is awful. The cover of Don't Fear the Reaper especially sucks.
7. Why do all modern films have a problem keeping a camera still? Why is everything edited so fast with all of these blurry camera tricks? Do the film makers like to give their audiences headaches? This really sucks.
8. The Howling Reborn is a werewolf film and the first werewolf shows up 65 minutes into the film. The suckiness appears almost right away.
9. Although some of the werewolf make up looked ok, it can barely be seen. However, there are plenty of computer morph effects and a scene with CGI fire blasting out of a school. All CGI will forever suck.
I believe there are nine Howling films to date and I gave you nine reasons why I hated this film and could keep going on and on and on. Maybe next time I'll stick to my original idea for the review which was simply, "Don't see this movie. It sucks."
Blu Ray Release: October 18, 2011
R
Review by James Klein
The 1981 The Howling is a classic horror film and considered one of the finest werewolf pictures ever made. I even enjoyed the batshit sequel Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf. But after that, the films got to be just awful. I admit not seeing all of them so maybe part V or VI could have been decent but The Howling series has never been known for being a great series of films. The Howling Reborn thinks it is a remake but is absolutely nothing like the original film at all. This is another in name only sequel just like the other entries only this time it borrows heavily from Twilight and even the awful Lost Boys sequels. It would be so nice to just write a review that says, "Don't see this movie. It sucks." But that really isn't fair. Not to just you loyal readers but also to the film makers. I think it is a critics job to help these film makers in knowing why their film "sucks" so they don't ever make this mistake.
1. The main character (who looks just like Robert Pattinson) does this annoying American Beauty-esque voice over narration that tries so hard to be insightful and hip. It isn't at all. It sucks.
2. The main heroine (who looks like Kristen Stewart) is this cool, stylish, tough girl who spouts off these meaningful lines of dialog that tries so hard to be consequential and significant. It's not. It just made me laugh. Her dialog sucks.
3. Everyone in the film seems to be angry with one another. We don't know why, they just are. Mother kills father. Bully at school goes after hero. Mother tries to kill son. New kids who once protected hero are now trying to kill him. None of this is logical and maybe it was the writers trying to create conflicts with the characters. Instead he created suckiness.
4. Characters perform certain actions that would never happen and provide no consequences. Bully chases our hero around school with a gun. When bully is killed and he loses the gun, the gun pops up later on to help the hero fight some werewolves. So no one saw this kid get killed? No one saw this gun laying on the floor of the school? How about our hero saving our heroine by jumping out the school's three story window? No one notices that? Does the viewer notice that when these situations happen, we automatically know that this movie sucks?
5. Everyone in the film seems to have great intelligence. I don't know any high school kid that can make a flame thrower out of some parts he can find at school. The movie nerd at school (who overacts really bad) knows how to shoot video off a tiny hand held camera and can get it downloaded and televised across the city. With all these smart people around, could they have prevented this movie from sucking?
6. The music is awful. The cover of Don't Fear the Reaper especially sucks.
7. Why do all modern films have a problem keeping a camera still? Why is everything edited so fast with all of these blurry camera tricks? Do the film makers like to give their audiences headaches? This really sucks.
8. The Howling Reborn is a werewolf film and the first werewolf shows up 65 minutes into the film. The suckiness appears almost right away.
9. Although some of the werewolf make up looked ok, it can barely be seen. However, there are plenty of computer morph effects and a scene with CGI fire blasting out of a school. All CGI will forever suck.
I believe there are nine Howling films to date and I gave you nine reasons why I hated this film and could keep going on and on and on. Maybe next time I'll stick to my original idea for the review which was simply, "Don't see this movie. It sucks."
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