Shark Night 3D (2011)
Studio: Relativity Media/Rogue
Theatrical Release: September 2, 2011
PG-13
Review by James Klein
Labor Day weekend. End of the summer. On a nice cool summer night I was hanging out with a friend and we decided to go to the movies and see something fun, something summer oriented, just something mindless to enjoy. We journeyed to the closest theater and caught the 3D presentation of Shark Night. Bad mistake. Such a very, very bad mistake. Oh yeah we got a mindless movie alright. But we also got a cheap, boring, overlong piece of crap as well.
The film starts off with a woman all alone in a lake and her boyfriend pops up to surprise her. He takes off her top and throws it away and walks out of the water. Normally I would find this funny and it would set the tone for a fun exploitation picture but no, this (unbeknownst to me until I came home and looked it up) is PG-13. She carefully puts her top back on to where we see nothing. So the film is trying to be tasteful but yet has this idiotic and mean spirited opening. Can't have both fellas! Go for broke or just don't do that. When the woman does get eaten by a shark, we see her move around and scream turning the water a bit red. Pretty much what you see in the opening of Jaws. Nothing original. And we never see the boyfriend ever again. What does this set up? What was the point? It was neither entertaining nor scary. It wasn't even meant to play for laughs (intentional or unintentional).
We then jump into a college campus where a bunch of cool kids are just getting ready for finals but decide to let off some steam and go to the lovely Sara's family cottage that's on the lake for some drinking, swimming and sex. We are then subjected to over 30 minutes of just pointless and boring dialog, as if we need to know who these characters are and their entire back story. No one gives a shit! Your movie is called Shark Night for Christ sakes! There isn't much originality in the title so why even try and bore us with your character development bullshit? Does anyone care if Sara hasn't gone on a date in over three years? Does anyone care if the token black guy is going to marry his token Latino girlfriend? Does anyone care that the sheriff is actually a pretty cool guy? Get to the action!
When we finally get to a scene that rips-off Jaws 3 where a character is attacked while water skiing, the film starts to move along but is quickly killed off by its horrible actors and insanely stupid dialog as characters discuss/argue on what to do next as their friend is missing his arm and girlfriend dead (she is killed off screen, thank you PG-13). When we meet the films antagonists they are stereotypes of backwoods hicks ala Deliverance, the film just gets even more dumb and annoying. One character even loses his accent as the film goes on.
Well how about the shark attack stuff you might ask? It sucks. The awful CGI effects look like it came out of a ScyFy channel original movie. While most of the film happens in the daytime, it occurred to me later on that this film was called Shark Night when very little takes place at night. I honestly thought the film was called Shark Attack 3D until I got home and looked up the film. Either title doesn't work, there isn't much attacking and there isn't many scenes at night. Oh and the 3D effects don't do much at all to make the film any better. Sure, there are parts where some water comes flying at you or characters in their boats drive by in front of you but aside from that, there isn't really much to see. At one point I asked my friend if the 3D stopped working as the movie just looked flat.
By the time the conclusion came around, I was forcing myself to fall asleep. I didn't want to leave after spending $15 on this mess but tried to just shut my eyes and dream of a good shark/ocean film like Jaws or Piranha. Hell, Jaws the Revenge is ten times more entertaining than this pile of puke. If you are going to make a shitty shark movie with no originality, at least give us some tits and some blood. Or keep the action going.
Do not see this film. There is nothing good I can say about it. Oh wait...there is a dog in the film whose a better actor than these characters. Shark Night 3D does have one thing going for it. It's at the top of one of the worst films of 2011.
Theatrical Release: September 2, 2011
PG-13
Review by James Klein
Labor Day weekend. End of the summer. On a nice cool summer night I was hanging out with a friend and we decided to go to the movies and see something fun, something summer oriented, just something mindless to enjoy. We journeyed to the closest theater and caught the 3D presentation of Shark Night. Bad mistake. Such a very, very bad mistake. Oh yeah we got a mindless movie alright. But we also got a cheap, boring, overlong piece of crap as well.
The film starts off with a woman all alone in a lake and her boyfriend pops up to surprise her. He takes off her top and throws it away and walks out of the water. Normally I would find this funny and it would set the tone for a fun exploitation picture but no, this (unbeknownst to me until I came home and looked it up) is PG-13. She carefully puts her top back on to where we see nothing. So the film is trying to be tasteful but yet has this idiotic and mean spirited opening. Can't have both fellas! Go for broke or just don't do that. When the woman does get eaten by a shark, we see her move around and scream turning the water a bit red. Pretty much what you see in the opening of Jaws. Nothing original. And we never see the boyfriend ever again. What does this set up? What was the point? It was neither entertaining nor scary. It wasn't even meant to play for laughs (intentional or unintentional).
We then jump into a college campus where a bunch of cool kids are just getting ready for finals but decide to let off some steam and go to the lovely Sara's family cottage that's on the lake for some drinking, swimming and sex. We are then subjected to over 30 minutes of just pointless and boring dialog, as if we need to know who these characters are and their entire back story. No one gives a shit! Your movie is called Shark Night for Christ sakes! There isn't much originality in the title so why even try and bore us with your character development bullshit? Does anyone care if Sara hasn't gone on a date in over three years? Does anyone care if the token black guy is going to marry his token Latino girlfriend? Does anyone care that the sheriff is actually a pretty cool guy? Get to the action!
When we finally get to a scene that rips-off Jaws 3 where a character is attacked while water skiing, the film starts to move along but is quickly killed off by its horrible actors and insanely stupid dialog as characters discuss/argue on what to do next as their friend is missing his arm and girlfriend dead (she is killed off screen, thank you PG-13). When we meet the films antagonists they are stereotypes of backwoods hicks ala Deliverance, the film just gets even more dumb and annoying. One character even loses his accent as the film goes on.
Well how about the shark attack stuff you might ask? It sucks. The awful CGI effects look like it came out of a ScyFy channel original movie. While most of the film happens in the daytime, it occurred to me later on that this film was called Shark Night when very little takes place at night. I honestly thought the film was called Shark Attack 3D until I got home and looked up the film. Either title doesn't work, there isn't much attacking and there isn't many scenes at night. Oh and the 3D effects don't do much at all to make the film any better. Sure, there are parts where some water comes flying at you or characters in their boats drive by in front of you but aside from that, there isn't really much to see. At one point I asked my friend if the 3D stopped working as the movie just looked flat.
By the time the conclusion came around, I was forcing myself to fall asleep. I didn't want to leave after spending $15 on this mess but tried to just shut my eyes and dream of a good shark/ocean film like Jaws or Piranha. Hell, Jaws the Revenge is ten times more entertaining than this pile of puke. If you are going to make a shitty shark movie with no originality, at least give us some tits and some blood. Or keep the action going.
Do not see this film. There is nothing good I can say about it. Oh wait...there is a dog in the film whose a better actor than these characters. Shark Night 3D does have one thing going for it. It's at the top of one of the worst films of 2011.
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