Drive Angry (2011)

Studio: Summit Entertainment
Release Date: February 25, 2011
Blu Ray Release: May 31, 2011
Rated R

Review by James Klein

God, what the hell happened to Nicholas Cage? Seriously, he is a good actor and I will argue with anyone regarding this issue. He was brilliant in films like Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas, Wild at Heart, Bringing Out the Dead, and Adaptation. With his current financial problems, he seems to be accepting every role in every piece of crap movie that is offered to him. Nicholas Cage needs to learn the three simple words: Just Say No. He continues to act in these God-awful action films that simply destroy brain cells. Look at his list of current films he has been in: The Wicker Man remake, Ghost Rider, Next, National Treasure 2, Bangkok Dangerous, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and Season on the Witch. And now he stars in the atrocious, putrid, mind-numbing, groan-inducing Drive Angry. Yes, fellow readers, I absolutely hated this film.

This cartoony action film looks like a video game and feels like it was written by a horny 13 year old with a low I.Q. Cage plays Milton, a mysterious figure who drives fast cars, wears sunglasses, and talks real low while walking in slow motion as cars blow up behind him. Milton just broke out of Hell and he is on the trail of a group of cultists who killed his daughter and kidnapped her baby. Basically, Grandpa is pissed and now he wants revenge. Heavily inspired by The Terminator, Milton is basically unstoppable (he even loses an eye and covers it up with sunglasses at one point) and the only person that can put an end to him is The Accountant, another man sent from Hell to bring Milton back. Along the way, Milton makes friends with the tough, savvy, annoying, super hot, Piper. She literally serves no purpose in this film other than to please the adolescent teen boys by showing off some leg and acting all tough while swearing every other word. Her presence is like nails on a chalkboard. Her "acting" makes Megan Fox look like Meryl Streep.

The ridiculous story never takes itself seriously, almost as if the film makers thought it would be funny to throw in a bunch of CGI action and swear words and call it a movie. We get scenes like Nicholas Cage having sex with a woman while shooting bad guys in slow motion (he wants revenge but has time for sex?) In one scene, he grabs a waitress who just poured him coffee, kissing her on the mouth and saying the line, "I told you, I wanted sugar." Piper is able to get into violent fistfights and still have her make up stay perfectly on, while the wind is blowing her hair...but not blowing anywhere else! What it comes down to is that this film tries so hard, in fact it begs to be "cool" or "hip" that it backfires and is just plain terrible. The film makers set out to make a cult film or what they feel is a Grindhouse movie (it is certainly not!) that they forgot to write an interesting screenplay or have likable characters or fill their action movie with at least a few decent action scenes (the computer effects are hilariously bad, thanks mainly to being shot in 3D). I was so bored watching this turkey that I was fighting to stay awake.

Ok, is there anything redeemable in this? There is a tiny role by character actor Tom Atkins as a cop which was nice to see, although brief. There are some boobs that flash about once in awhile. Hmmm...that's about it. Even the title of this movie is stupid. Some day Nicholas Cage will return in a decent film (see the highly underrated The Weather Man for his last good movie). I see he is going to be coming out with the second Ghost Rider movie next year. Sigh...someday...